Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Cleanse



Editing is one of the interesting things about having a personal blog. Editing may be less of a crucial part of your blog if you have limited your audience to a small group of friends or family. However, if you have chosen, as I have, to invite a large number of people to read about your day-to-day experiences questions surrounding what to include and what to exclude can be a bit more challenging.

It is not just the number of people who are reading your blog, but also the *kinds* of people reading your blog. You have to keep it interesting enough so that your college buddies will still find it compelling enough to visit now and then, while at the same time keep it clean enough that your parents’ friends (whom your parents were eager to show off the blog to) will still speak to you when you run into them at Temple next Yom Kippur.

Decisions,decisions.

Well, I am walking a fine line with this one and I apologize ahead of time if I offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities.

I am referring of course, to the apple juice saga. Some advice for those of you who have never heard of a “cleanse” – read ALL the instructions before embarking on any such journey.

Do NOT allow yourself to be seduced by scrumptious promises of fresh squeezed apple juice for six whole days in a row without considering what price you must pay at the end of those six days.

Of course it seems obvious NOW that something called a “cleanse” must involve something more than consuming large amounts of yummy fresh juice. There must be something that happens at the other end…right?

Believe me, there is.

I spent all of Tuesday bedridden suffering from flu like symptoms coupled with the quite unwelcome (but expected) side effect of ingesting three tablespoons of Epsom salt over the course of 18 hours. Oh, and let us not forget the one half a cup of olive oil I chugged Monday night before bed which I chased with half a cup of limejuice. All of which was equally distasteful. Ugh.

The point of this whole exercise was to rid my body of *toxins* it had collected over the years and stored in my gallbladder as proto-gallstones. Fun. Apparently we all have some and, according to Myra, if you are a meat eater – you most definitely have some. I did.

NOT anymore though. Thankfully.

A day of lying in bed left me wondering what I could have POSSIBLY been thinking when I signed up for this appalling experience which is misleadingly dressed-up by the cute and charming little phrase - “cleanse.” I think a more appropriate name might be something like “stay-close-to-the-bathroom-and-feel-like-ass-for-24-hours-roto-rooter.”

Yesterday was NOT my finest hour. However, I do feel very good today. Now, one might argue that I only feel comparatively good now that I have gotten all that oil and Epsom salt out of my body. They might be right. But, hey – try it out for yourselves and let me know.

2 Comments:

Blogger Zach said...

Hey, I *read* the directions for the cleanse. And that's pretty much when I decided that cleansing was not for me. I did enjoy some apples and some sweet sweet apple juice, but I didn't enjoy any of the other, um, parts.

7:11 PM  
Blogger ninar said...

hey, i *love* cleansing.

2:23 AM  

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